Always in my head
by SwarleyWritesFanfiction
Summary: Dean mumbles "Cas" in the middle of the night, which concerns Sam. It eventually leads Dean to pray to the angel and Sam interrogating his brother. -Cas is only mentioned but Destiel stuff happens- *Set at some point after 11x14* Don't mind the angst thing that much & please forgive me for any grammar/spelling mistakes and feel free to correct me
**Always in my head**

Sam and Dean were staying in a motel, they were in a casual hunt, no big deal and not related to Amara or Cas, unfortunately.

Dean have had a few beers and fell asleep soon after that. He was having a hard time, Sam could tell.

They younger Winchester was doing some research on their case, but soon after he followed the steps of his brother and went to bed.

After a couple of hours of a peaceful sleep, Sam heard a voice saying "Cas" over and over again. That voice came from the bed next to his, from Dean's. His brother seemed anxious, but Sam decided not to wake him up and instead wait and see if Dean eventually stop.

"Dean" - Dean heard a voice saying his name. It was his brother's.

Dean woke up all of sudden. He touched his face and realized he had tears in his eyes.

"Dean, what happened?" - Sam asked, clearly concerned.

"What do you mean 'what happened'?"

"You've been mumbling 'Cas' for a while now." – Sam replied calmly.

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes you were, that woke me up. I thought you would shut up eventually but you didn't. Is everything all right?"

"I don't want to talk about this now Sammy, go back to sleep and I'll do the same."

Sam didn't want to argue, so he did what Dean told him to.

Dean checked the clock and it showed 4am. He couldn't sleep after that and just quietly stayed in the bed. He realized tears kept streaming down his face and Dean gave up on trying to dry them so he got up and walked out of their motel room.

Once outside, he sat in front of the door, hands covering his eyes.

"Cas, you know I'm not the praying type but man, I have to tell you this. Please give us some sort of sign that you're okay or some shit that could help us figure out how to drag you out of hell." - Dean placed his hands on his knees, took a deep breath and looked down. - "Remember when I used to look up when I was praying?" - He smiled briefly and teared - "Cas, I need you, I miss you. This son of a bitch, Lucifer, hasn't given any signs and either has Amara. I must know you're fine, I can't live like this, it's getting worse day after day. Sam have just told me I mumbled your name in my sleep. I don't know what to do, I miss you and apparently beer makes that feeling go away but not for long."

Dean cried a little and ruffled his hair with certain anger, frustrated about the whole Cas situation.

"Cas, don't give up on wherever Lucifer may be doing to you, I don't want to imagine but I bet it's nothing someone would like to experience. Be strong and just fight this. We'll fight it here too and get you back. There's no change I'm giving up on you. What would I do without you, assbutt?" - Dean thought about that last bit and added. - "Never mind, it just sounds well when you say it. Please take care Cas, please do."

Dean stayed there for an hour or so, just rambling in his own thoughts.

He walked back in the motel room and took a shower. After that he sat on one of the chairs that was in the room and did some research on their case. That peaceful time didn't last much, because as soon as Sam woke up the interrogation began.

"Dean, what happened last night? Did you have a nightmare about Cas?" - Sam asked bluntly and sat in front of Dean.

"Look, I have no idea what happened, I don't remember a damn thing, okay?" - Dean said with complete honesty. He couldn't remember anything he could have dreamed about.

"You couldn't sleep after I woke you up, right?"

"How could you tell?"

"I heard the door opening after a while and you came back in not long ago."

Dean didn't reply and just stared at his laptop in silence.

"Dean, you said something else apart from 'Cas' while you were sleeping."

"And I guess you'll tell me even if I don't ask you, right Sammy?" - He said failing his attempt to make the situation less tense.

"You said, well, it wasn't much of a surprise to me actually."

"Will you say it or not?" - Dean demanded.

"You said 'Cas' and stopped, but then said 'I love you'." - Sam looked at Dean into his eyes and waited. The older hunter had tried to maintain eye contact but couldn't.

"So what? Should this be some sort of surprise? How could you know that was addressed to Cas? What if my dream changed and-"

"You kept saying 'Cas' after that, there's no way it was for someone else, Dean." - Sam took a look at Dean, who seemed ashamed of what he had just heard. - "Dean, it's totally fine if you are in love with the guy."

"Sam that can't be right, I'm not in love with Cas. I can't be."

"You have wondered that before, haven't you?" - Dean nodded, trying not to face Sam. - "And I'm sure you've tried to tell yourself you don't love him romantically, that it's just that you care about Cas a lot."

"Sam could we just stop all this? Please." - Dean didn't want to cry again.

"I just want you to know that it's totally fine. I know you love Cas, I know you have for I don't know how long, so don't try to deny that."

"Fine, I do, all right?" - Dean said, his voice breaking a bit more on every word he pronounced. - "I do love Cas."

"You've waited too long to tell him."

"Don't you think I know?" - Dean yelled. - "What if I never see him again? What if we don't get him back? What if I never get the chance to tell him?" - Dean had tears in his eyes that he tried to hold back but one had escaped from each eye and now ran through his face.

"We'll get him back. We must, Dean. I know you won't stop trying and either will I." - Dean looked at his brother and gave him half a smile. - "And when we do and all this is over, you two will have to go out on a date." - Sam didn't wait for Dean to reply, instead he got up and walked towards the bathroom, leaving his brother alone with his thoughts.

Dean reflected on what Sam had just told him, and in that moment more than ever before, he knew they had to get Cas back, no matter how.


End file.
